So I was thinking about emo’s, Again! Lol. I guess this is almost like a new phenomena for me. We didn’t have emo’s in school when I was growing up. You were either cool or you were a nerd. Plain and simple – life was easy. Now there are gang factions, race factions, emo factions. Sheesh. The list goes on. My thoughts on emo’s this time were around, what would I do if my own daughter landed up being an emo? We’re planning a camping trip for this weekend and my mind wandered over to what this camping trip would be like if my kid was Emo. What extra items would I need to bring, or not bring, if my kid was this depressed, the world sucks emo kid?
The first thing that came to mind was.. trying to figure out a way the emo could “be left behind” and not have to come on the trip at all. Best not to ruin the weekend for the non-emo’s who would be there. Failing that (we all know its pretty difficult to get rid of an emo kid for the weekend, basically, its damn near impossible) we’d have to bring along what we’d need to keep the emo kid out of our hair while we enjoyed the time at the lake.
I thought, first of all, the emo would need its own black dark tent. The tent could come with some white, black and red pastels which would allow the emo some time to draw sad, crying, oh I hate the world pictures on the inside of the tent. No pillow or sleeping bag would be needed, cuz emo’s would rather sleep without, so they can look all sad the next day with their crooked neck and sniffling runny nose which is now not only from bawling all the time, but from a cold that is developing due to sleeping with out a blanket.
A zippo lighter and fuel would be needed, to keep the emo entertained on the boat while the rest of the family water boarded, fished and what not.. The emo could light its zippo and stare meaningfully into the flame for hours. Safety rules say, this can only be done on the boat, in the event the emo catches fire, it could easily be thrown over board and put out.
IT would be important that you don’t let the Emo kid bring along any of its rubber clothing, as it could possible get mistaken for a tire tube and used on the lake in a very non-emo way. Ride the Emo!! Not!
Emo’s need to dull the fake pain they feel so to help with that a party kit would be in order. This would come complete with a texas sized bottle of jack daniels, a bag of marijuana, and possibly some valium (for when the emo has a severe hangover the next day). It’s important not to give the emo any kind of drug that might trigger the dopamine level similar to the way it is triggered by cocaine use. Emo’s cannot handle any sort of self-esteem boast, even the kind falsely induced by a drug like cocaine. Get the emo wasted, give it a stick, a marshmallow, a Barbie to mutilate, and plant it by the campfire. That should detain it for at least a good 36 hours.
You will not have to worry your emo kid will be bugging you to bring along another emo friend. Emo’s can feel more sorry for themselves if they have no friends or no one to talk to so chances are your emo will not be bringing along another emo. Emo’s do not eat much so there is no need to pack any extra food for the emo; they prefer to get by on scraps – as, you guessed it – you can feel sorry for them if they are eating scraps as opposed to eating their own plate of food.
Let your Emo kid bring along any of its weird bottled up stuff, like blood and the piss from animals and what not. Since the emo will be in its own tent, if it gets eaten by a bear or other wild animal due to the scents coming from its tent, well, just nature’s way of taking care of a problem is all. Ya know, screw those forest fire safety rules and let your emo bring along all its scented candles too. If it goes up in flames in its tent, you can just take your time getting to the lake with the buckets of water and no jury in their right mind will fault you for not getting the fire out in time.
And lastly, a must to have if you must bring your emo camping would be an assortment of blades, pins, razors and other sharp objects. If the emo acts up, you can always threaten to take away one of their cutting tools, and since the need for them to cut is so strong, chances are you will be able to keep them in line.
It’s strongly recommended that you do whatever is necessary to try to get the emo a babysitter for the weekend so you Do Not Have To Take It Camping. However, like I said earlier, seeing as this is near impossible, these handy tips up above might make for a more enjoyable camping trip for the rest of the family.